the core body piercing
Posted in Tattoes and Body Jewellery on 12/29/2007 09:04 am by admin
the core body piercing
What do you think of my poem? Critique?
I write these lines, what do you think? How can I improve it? Cold silence seems strident monopolize the air, but inside screams to be everywhere. And nobody can come to understand the anguish I have inside. It's like I'm spending time looking at the line, including me and watch ordinary people … Who knows nothing the real pain, torment … hell. If I continue to sit at the same place every day, with a screen around, grinding my secrets to through my ears day after day after day. Solitude does not accompany my soul … For me, I've become immune to the inane, it has everything I trade base unfrozen, which never fades more slowly …. One that is not captured by the demons sent by Hades, which slowly poison from my body, like my soul hits, frozen from above. lol But I love the rhyme
Its good. Very powerful
What do you think of my poem?
Just wrote this, what do you think? How can I improve it?
Cold, shrill silence seems to monopolize the air,
But inside the piercing shrieks run rampant.
And no one can seem to understand,
The anguish I hold within.
It’s as if I’m watching the time line go by,
As I sit and gaze intently on the ordinary people…
Who know nothing of real pain, real torment…
Real hell.
So I continue to sit, same spot each day,
With a screen surrounding,
Shredding my secrets through my ears
Day after day after day.
Loneliness does not accompany my soul…
For I’ve grown numb to such inanity,
Yet I’d trade anything for an unfrozen core,
One that’s not slowly wilting more and more….
One that’s not conquered by the demons sent by Hades,
Who poison my body bit by bit,
As my soul watches,
Frozen from above.
Your poem is well written. Reach deep inside you and try to find something upbeaat to write about. It will be an interesting exercise. I had to do that once from the opposite side. I liked to write upbeat, positive stuff and my instructor challenged me to write something dark and down. It was a great exercise and made me a better writer.
Straight Line Stitch – Never See the Day (lyrics)
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